Would You Rather: A Man or a Bear?

Dedicated to my mom, Shirley Serpico — who taught me that women are mysteries worth understanding, not enemies to outmaneuver.

So here’s the question: Would you rather be alone in the woods with a random man… or a random bear?

It’s absurd. Funny. But oddly revealing. Because the loudest voices pick the bear. Not because it’s logical, but because they think it makes a point.

And look, we’re not mad about it. We’re just pointing out the comedy here: choosing a 600-pound predator over a fellow human being? That's not deep. That’s just... sad. And a little scary. Not because of the bear, but because of how far trust has fallen.

The Bear

A bear doesn’t lie. Doesn’t manipulate. It might kill you, sure, but at least it’s honest about it. A bear doesn’t smile in your face and stab you in the back. It just mauls you. Straightforward. Old school.

And yet, despite being literally built to kill, people say they’d rather deal with the bear than a man. That’s not bravery. That’s bitterness dressed up as wisdom.

The Man

A man could be a friend. A threat. A complete idiot. Or the only reason you make it out alive. Maybe he builds a fire and keeps watch while you sleep. Maybe he whittles spoons and sings sea shanties. You don’t know — and that’s the problem, right? Uncertainty.

But here’s the thing, that uncertainty? It’s how all human relationships start. At some point, you’ve got to stop assuming the worst and start remembering how to cooperate again.

Scale It Up

Let’s make it a group project: 40 random bears vs. 40 random men. If you picked bears, I hope you packed a will. Because those bears don’t form committees. They don’t take shifts guarding camp. They don’t share rations.

Forty men might argue. But they’ll also build, fight, forage, defend. You’ll survive. You might even thrive. That’s called civilization.

Fatherly Reminder

Now, ladies… this whole “I pick the bear” thing? Cute on TikTok. Not so much in the real world. It’s not edgy. It’s just defeatist. And it says more about your pain than it does about men.

And men? Some of you earned the distrust. No doubt. But it’s time to start being the kind of man a woman would gladly share a campfire with. Not the reason she sleeps with a rock in her hand.

Gut Check

Men, be honest: would you rather open up about your feelings to a woman… or a tree?

Exactly.

We’re all carrying something. Anger, fear, resentment, survival instincts. But if you can’t trust your own species, that’s not empowerment. That’s isolation.

Just in Case

Still worried about the man? Or the bear? You might want to carry one of these just in case the "what if" becomes "oh no."

Let’s Call a Truce

This isn’t a war. We’re on the same team — or we should be. Men need to step up. Women need to stop throwing every man in the same bucket. And we all need to grow the hell up and get back to being human again.

Because when it’s you, the man, and the bear…
You better hope at least one of them is on your side.

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